Trying to please everyone else…. the guaranteed route to failure, trust me….. it’s all I’ve ever done.
I’d bury my feeling down constantly about peoples actions, avoid confronting people and trying to address my issues because I never wanted to upset them… in the end everyone involved gets upset. I could bury everything away and then eventually it would all start to boil over, I’d become aggressive and short tempered and nothing would be my fault anymore because I’ve put it all on you and my minds that blurred to my actions that it’s just all your fault…. see, not good.
I’m a people pleaser to an extent, or at least I was, I’ve given up on that now. I never did it just because I wanted to see people happy, that was a nice part but a small part. I did it because I would constantly worry about what people would say about me if I upset them, or if they didn’t like me, I could make up a whole conversation in my head and convince myself that’s an actual conversation people had about me.
Looking back I have no idea when this started or how long I’ve been like it…. for as long as I can remember really. I’m slowly learning not to care, it gets easier as you get older, mainly because other things take up your thinking space, and you’ll see those around you get older, you’ll lose people and get that inevitable “life’s too short” epiphany, you’ll find people that are so important to you that unkind words from others just roll off you because you’ll be surrounded by the best kinds of people…
The ones that tell you you’re beautiful inside and out every day even though you look like your brother with long hair.
The ones that bring you snacks on the way back from work just because they know how much you love chocolate.
The ones that take the time to show you nothing bad comes from dancing.
The ones that send you a hamper for a girly night with your mum during your toughest times.
The ones that take your mum out for her birthday and bring her flowers and cake (I’m easily swayed by cake)
The ones that stand by you no matter how many times you make that same mistake just because they know one day you’ll get it right.
I have the BEST people around me and I’m incredibly grateful for that, they don’t need to be pleased all the time, they love me for me, warts and all (I don’t have any warts… I don’t think) and they have taken up all that head space that made me think I should do everything to make everyone else happy, just to stop them being unhappy with me.